The slimey and green ooze lined the discoloured ocean. Unattractive black spots of ugliness emerged out of the already ugly ocrean, no better than a rubbish bin. Swish, swoosh, slap, smash, against the beach the horrible beast. Whispering only now, it whispers quietly, sneakily throwing its immoral waste, bit by bit, onto the smooth, fine and pearl-white beach. The parasite spreads, black moles immerging out of the pearl’s perfect complexion.
toondoo
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Good description of the ocean's complexion; the sibliance of the ocean's sound, expressed through the four "s" words in the third line, is also commendable. However, given the presence of "whispering", the following phrase "it whisper quietly" seemed a little unnecessary given the nature of "whispering". Also, "immoral" isn't really a good or reasonable adjective for waste given the context. Too, "emerged out" is not a good verb in the context; "stuck out" might be better. Other than that, I find that the personification, metaphors and imagery are quiet descriptive and vivid, especially "whispers" and "parasite". A commendable piece of work, pleasant to read and thought-provoking.
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